words. (2o'11'oo)

why should i write about my most personal feelings? putting them on web seems like i am an exhibicionist. or that i have just a weird sense of humour and everything is just a wit. nor one of those assumptions is true. nobody will ever read it either.
i just want to shout it out. all the sorrows which are hidden in the bottom of my soul.
i do have a wonderful life. i've succeed in almost all fields i've encountered. i've met lot of interesting people. i'm studying the school i always wanted. i have great family i can rely on. so more or less i should be happy. but still i'm in between two positions. adamm optimist and adam sceptical. when i'm down i find the whole life meaningless. but then back again i realize the beauty all around. in the falling leaves, in the ponds when i'm late for school. and i would begin dancing, because it's so obvious that one must love the whole world - you're loved too, so there's nothing else than sharing as a result...
but in the shady times i cannot believe myself. and it seems to me that other people are just wearing various masks, how should i trust them? anyway - i play it too - i'm behaving in a way i dislike, i don't keep the rules which (i know) are the most important. shame on me.
immer wieder... ok. no more crying. it's always up to me. i know. even writing those silly notes helped me :) peace people. and - please try to look on the bright side of life. i will. i promise.